Everybody knows you shouldn’t marry a cook if you want to eat good home cooked meals. That won’t happen. Especially if you marry an excellent cook!
The better cooks they are, the more they have to practice their culinary skills. The harder they have to work in the chaotic kitchen of a 5-star restaurant to dazzle the highly discerning taste buds of their blue blooded patrons.
The last thing an excellent cook wants to do is come home to another hungry mouth: that’s you. What she wants instead is someone who will cook a great meal, do the dishes, clean up the kitchen, and massage her tired feet. That’s you also! Not exactly what you had expected, is it?
What if you married a steamy romance writer though? Romance writers need to practice their skills also. It takes over 1,000 hours of practice to become an expert … did you know that? And steamy romance writers need to be experts at … drum roll here … steamy … hot … sex. Do you see what I’m getting at? Are you starting to feel really lucky?
Let’s say your spouse is stumped on how to describe a particularly hot bedroom scene. This is where you come in.
“Do you want me to help, honey?” you ask her as seriously as you can. Try to keep all your excitement to yourself as you go and and tell her in a most concerned voice: “Use me to work out the confusing details. I can help you become an expert!”
Not only do you get someone very willing to engage in all kinds of risqué activities and make your wildest erotic fantasies come true, you also get their eternal gratitude for your selfless sacrifice at the altar of their craft. And, if I know my romance writers well, you’ll probably get spoiled with an excellent home cooked meal just to show how special you are to them. Triple win for you!
What’s it going to be? Marry an excellent cook, go to her restaurant, pay for your meal and leave a generous tip just so you could eat her delicious culinary creations? Or, marry a steamy romance writer, keep your money, engage in countless hours of racy lovemaking in the bedroom, or the shower, or the backseat of your car, or … or … or … and eat better than the poor soul who married the next Rachel Ray?
Decisions … decisions …
P.S. I saw this quote today and it made me laugh out loud … in a bookstore … surrounded by people who were suddenly giving me very strange looks.
“Someone told me the delightful story of the crusader who put a chastity belt on his wife and gave the key to his best friend for safekeeping, in case of his death. He had ridden only a few miles away when his friend, riding hard, caught up with him, saying ‘You gave me the wrong key!”
– Anais Nin
Ada Ireland is a pen name I came up with for myself. Unashamed Writing is a name I came up with for my blog.