I’m making myself pay for my writing mistakes – does that make me a literary masochist?

You know the saying “Veni, vidi, vici,” right? “I came, I saw, I conquered.” Apparently, that’s what Julius Caesar wrote to the Roman Senate to brag about his swift victory over some poor guy whose name is known only by the most devout historians … and the people who read Wikipedia.

Unlike Julius Caesar, I came, I saw … and I failed. Veni, vidi, deliqui … thank you, Google translate.

I’m not Julius Caesar … of course. I haven’t fought any wars either. So what the heck am I using Latin quotes for? Well, it’s because of my recent flash fiction challenge, duh. It wasn’t a war, but it had the potential for victory or failure nonetheless.  Aaaaand … I failed.

I’ll explain.

1. Veni. I went to Chuck Wendig’s site for a morale boost.
2. Vidi. I saw a flash fiction challenge and thought to myself, Why not?
3. Deliqui. This needs no explanation if you actually read my “Screaming Snowflake”.

It took me about three hours to write that piece of flash fiction … my first official flash fiction that is. Now, get this: I was so excited by what I had accomplished, so darn proud of myself, and so nervous that I would never post it online unless I did it right away that … I did. I posted that … ‘thing’, on my blog, and linked to it from Chuck’s site. Then I went to bed since it was already past 3 am … or later. I really can’t remember.

What I do remember is how embarrassed I was the next day when I got to read the whole … ‘thing’ again. I realized first hand why experienced writers say to never post your flash fiction online minutes after you’re done writing it. I think that’s how Stephen King put it in “On Writing”.

Or maybe he said you should give yourself at least six weeks after finishing the first draft of your novel before you get back to it and face its inconsistencies, spelling mistakes, and, more importantly, the “glaring holes in the plot or character development. […] the holes big enough to drive a truck through.”

Now, Stephen King is talking about 400-500 page manuscripts. My flash fiction was 3 pages long. There’s no clear cut algorithm here, but, if there was one, I should have waited 6 hours and 45 minutes before editing my “masterpiece”. I probably should have waited another 6 hours and 45 minutes before doing a last read-over and posting it on my blog. Or maybe I should have waited forever … I don’t know.

Anyway, I have to admit that I went back to my blog and fixed a few spelling mistakes and some repetitions I found. The “Screaming Snowflake” you can find online now has been updated about six times. I did all those updates in less than one hour. That’s why the story still sucks.

But, after that first hour of frantic editing and updating, I decided to stop and not touch that … ‘thing’ ever again. In fact, I’ll print out the whole … ‘thing’, and tape it next to my laptop as a reminder that:

1. taking a couple of days off after finishing your first draft,
2. letting it rest,
3. re-reading it,
4. fixing the glaring and not so glaring mistakes,
5. doing steps 1 through 4 at least one more time

come before hitting the “Publish” button and getting that … ‘thing’ you wrote out on your blog for the whole world to see.

I was too proud to follow that advice. I was also completely nervous that I might change my mind about submitting my writing. In case you think that’s a contradiction … you’re wrong. I can be proud and nervous at the same time. I can be crazy and sane at the same time also. Or bad and good.  Or naughty and nice. You get the idea. That’s a story for a different time though.

The thing is … I made a mistake. They say “smart people learn from other people’s mistakes. Average people learn from their own mistakes. Stupid people don’t learn at all.” Let’s hope I’m at least average.

The reminder of my mistakes might hurt … but that kind of pain can be good. It can help one learn to do better next time … hopefully. So here is to literary masochism and the lessons it can provide! May I be wise enough to heed them.

P.S. I was looking at some quotes about pain and I found many I really liked. I’ll only put two on here though.

“If pain must come, may it come quickly. Because I have a life to live, and I need to live it in the best way possible.”

– Paulo Coelho

“Behind every beautiful thing, there’s some kind of pain.”

– Bob Dylan